


I Don't...Sports

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Football | Soccer, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), also my friend really wanted to fight ronnie radke, basically pete plays on a soccer team and patrick fills in, not ashamed to tag that tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 09:09:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3890635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete plays on a soccer team and in the game against their rivals, they're down a player. So Gabe, the team captain, recruits Patrick, Pete's boyfriend. </p>
<p>(you don't need to know a single thing about soccer to read this)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't...Sports

**Author's Note:**

> Patrick's made it very clear he doesn't play sports so naturally I put him in a soccer au

Patrick Stump was positively freezing his ass off. Who would've thought it would be this cold in April? Not him, or he would've worn more than just a jacket over a t-shirt.    
  
Also the old ladies weren't helping.   
  
Basically, Patrick was one of the only three guys on the side lines of his boyfriend's first soccer game of the season. Well, there was a boy of about three-years-old, but he didn't really count.   
  
But damn, Patrick could put up with the old ladies and even make friends with the other guys, one of whom was extremely muscle-y and covered in tattoos (and he would totally bang him if Patrick weren't dating Pete Wentz). He would suck it up because Pete's ass in those soccer shorts made it so worth it. Like damn girl.   
  
"Pete I think your boyfriend is getting frostbite!" A blonde girl (the teams were co-ed so all genders could play on the same team) quipped with a smirk.   
  
"Maybe you should go warm him up," another blonde, the goalie, smirked.   
  
Gabe Saporta, one of the only guys on the team Patrick knew other than Pete, wolf whistled as he wiggled his eyebrows, and Patrick's face heated up despite the cold.   
  
"Aw he's blushing! He's so cute!" The goalie giggled. "Except I'm gonna respect your relationship Peter!"  
  
The names on the uniforms did nothing to help Patrick learn their names, as Gabe had insisted on nicknames, and the team agreed as long as they all got to pick Gabe's. Which now meant he had to have 'Ga(y)be' on the back of his jersey.   
  
The goalie, or as their jersey proclaimed them 'Fite Me M' (which Patrick didn't get until he realized they were number eight, making it 'fight me mate') just laughed as they skipped off the field for halftime.   
  
Patrick decided maybe hot tattoo dude and the other guy, some weird scarf and headband wearing hippie, could save him from more old lady and goalie torture, so he decided to try and make friends. "Hey, I'm Patrick,” he said, sitting on the grass next to the other two.  
  
"I'm Andy, nice to meet you dude," the guy said, smiling.

“And I’m Ryan,” headband hippie told him. “Brendon, or ‘Bden’ is my husband.”

"Joe's my boyfriend,” Andy told him.  
  
"Uh...which one's Joe?" Patrick asked. "It's my first game so I know no one's names."   
  
Andy laughed, "Joe Trohman. The back of his jersey says 'Fro-Man'."

Patrick giggled at that, "That's pretty clever. Pete’s my boyfriend. We started dating after last season ended so this is my first game." They watched the game for a little while, before the other blonde girl from earlier (whose jersey said 'Squeaky' for some fricking reason) was tripped by another player and she fell, forcing Patrick to hop into Andy's lap to avoid her. A redhead by the jersey name of 'Yelyah' came over and helped Squeaky up, and the blonde was laughing her ass off, with her cheek and purple jersey covered in dirt.

“Yo Wentz! Play it over here!” Brendon shouted. Pete passed him the ball and ran towards the net, Brendon played it back to him and Pete scored. Patrick cheered, just as it started raining.

“MY HAIR WHY?” Pete, Bden, and “Fite Me M8” shouted. Andy laughed while Ryan complained about his eyeliner and hair being ruined.

“You must be a pretty good boyfriend to come to games in this fun weather,” Ryan said.

“Well Pete comes to all of my gigs, so I go to all of his games,” Patrick replied. The rain stopped two minutes later, and it became extremely sunny as the game ended.

"Aw that's sweet," Andy teased. Both other men laughed, before a blonde child ran into Patrick.

"Tricky!" The child screamed.

"Hey there Bronxie!" Patrick laughed, as the boy moved to sit on his lap. "Did you see your dad score?" The three year old nodded eagerly before waving at Pete, who grinned at his son. He jogged over and picked up Bronx before helping Patrick to his feet.

"Daddy can we go to the playground?" Bronx pouted, pulling out his puppy dog eyes.

Patrick groaned, "Why? Why would you teach him the puppy eyes?"

"Cuz he's a Wentz," Pete smirked. "And if Patrick's okay with it, then we'll go."

"Yeah sure, let's go," Patrick smiled.

The park the games were held at had two playgrounds for some reason, so Bronx dragged them over to one, babbling the whole way. "My friends Bandit and Jackson are going too! They're awesome! Their dads are on the team! Um...Frank, Gerard, and Brendon. And then uh...Ryan!" He shouted, clearly proud he remembered all of the names.

"Frank and Gerard are married and their daughter is Bandit," Pete explained. "And Ryan and Brendon are married and their son is Jackson. He's ten and uses he and him pronouns even though he's pretty gender neutral. Also Quinn, or 'Fite Me M8' is gender fluid so they and them pronouns. Fuck up they'll kill you. Probably. The rest of the team is going to the playground so you can meet everyone."

"Okay," Patrick replied. Pete grinned and kissed his boyfriend's cheek.

"Aw!" 'Yelyah' cooed. "You must be Patrick, I'm Hayley. My name is backwards on the shirt, just so you know."

"Ah, makes sense," Patrick grinned back. Bronx, along with a brunette boy in a red hoodie and a girl with black and teal hair who looked a year older than him were playing on the swings, so the team could talk and not have to worry too much.

"Intros I guess," Pete said as the two blondes from earlier, Squeaky and Quinn, pulled a cooler out of the back of a black pick up truck, tossing energy drinks to everyone else. (Pete got his hands on a Monster, and Patrick grabbed it and gave it back, claiming that Pete would literally turn into a five year old, and it was not as cute as it sounded. Pete pouted and grabbed a Hawaiian Punch instead. ) "Right so there's Gerard, or 'G-Way' with the red hair and Frank or 'frnk' his husband is next to him."

"Vowels are for losers," Frank grinned.

"You already know Gabe. Hayley, Brendon, and Joe were introduced to you by now. Then we have William, or 'Bilvay'. We just call him Bilvy though, without the 'a' usually. And a lot of other stuff. He's banging Gabe," Pete continued.

"He's not wrong," Gabe told Patrick with a shit-eating grin.

Pete fake puked, before moving onto the next person. "Then we have Lindsey, or 'Lyn-Z', who also hates vowels."

"They're lame," the pig-tailed girl sing-songed.

"The one in the tree is Milly," Pete told him. "And next to her his Quinn."   
  
"Are they together?" Patrick whispered.   
  
"Nope," Quinn said, popping the 'p'.   
  
"It would be kinda cute..." Patrick told them sheepishly.   
  
"Yeah, but Milly's hot so..." Quinn shrugged and took a sip of their Monster, causing Milly to turn bright red and choke on her Hawaiian Punch.   
  


"I...well...you're cute too," she stuttered, fixing her silver aviator sunglasses.   
  
"Bro, will you destroy heteronormative romance with me?" They asked.   
  
"Bro!" Milly shouted, clutching her chest  dramatically. "But yeah we're not dating, not even now."

"We're roommates," Quinn said and wiggled their eyebrows. Milly shoved them and Quinn shouted, "FIGHT ME!"

"NO I'M A PANSY NO THANKS!" Milly screamed.

"Okay so we have a lot of gay dudes and two not-lesbians?" Patrick asked.

Pete burst out laughed, "Hella many gays, two not-lesbians who aren't straight, and one actual lesbian. The only heterosexual here is Hayley. Maybe."

"Meh," Hayley replied.

"Okay but..." Patrick started. "I get the the nicknames that are a play on names, and I get the Pete is 'Panda' cuz of his eyeliner. But I don't understand Milly's or Quinn's."

"Milly's laugh...just wait. And Quinn holds the record for most fights in a season. They fought a squirrel once..." Lindsey answered.

"Milly laughed earlier, it wasn't very squeaky," Patrick replied.

"I'm squeaky. Don't believe me? Just watch," she told him.

"NO UPTOWN FUNK!" Pete shouted, throwing wood chips at her. Bronx ran over and started tugging on Pete's sleeve, clearly ready to leave. "Little man wants to go, so we're gonna head off." Patrick waved and followed Pete to his car.

"Can Pattick come over for dinner?" Bronx asked from the backseat. Since he was three he had trouble saying 'Patrick' so he would usually call the strawberry blonde man either 'Pattick', 'Tricky' (which usually sounded more like 'Twicky'), or 'Wick', instead of 'Rick', as Pete would call him. Patrick and Pete had been dating for nearly a year, but didn't live together yet.

"That's up to Patrick," Pete replied.

"I'd love to Bronxie," Patrick told him.

~~**~~

Pete was attempting to make pasta in the kitchen while Bronx and Patrick were in the living room, watching some show Bronx was no doubt forcing the older man to watch as they were playing with Bronx's toys.

"Come on Pattick!" The three year old huffed. "You're supposed to be the Hulk, not Iron Man!"

Pete could hear Patrick laugh from in front of the couch. "Sorry little man." Patrick cleared his throat before saying, "Hulk smash!" in a deep voice, causing Bronx to erupt in a fit of giggles. Pete smiled at his two boys as he finished stirring their dinner. He could faintly hear Patrick whisper something to Bronx, causing the blonde boy to giggle. Pete then felt a pair of arms snake around his waist and heard "BOO!" shouted in his ear.

"AHHH!" Pete fake screamed and Bronx came running in giggling.

"Wicky scared you!" The three year old giggled.

"He did little dude," Pete told his son, ruffling his hair. He winked at Patrick who giggled and sat on the countertop, swinging his dangling legs back and forth. Pete couldn't believe this was his life now.

~~**~~

After dinner Bronx wanted to watch a movie, so Patrick stayed as they put on The Nightmare Before Christmas. Bronx then fell asleep, and Patrick almost did. Pete chuckled and put his son to bed, before going back out to see Patrick folding the blanket they had been using. He yawned and Pete wrapped his arms around him from behind.

"You should stay," he whispered before yawning and kissing the back of Patrick's head.

"Well my car's at my place and you're my ride. And I'm not letting you drive when you're this tired," Patrick chuckled. "So I guess I have to stay," he sighed teasingly.

"I have another game next weekend. You should come again," Pete yawned.

"I told you I would already since you go to all my gigs, even though they aren't that good," Patrick whispered.

"Wrong. They're great."

~~**~~

"Hey Patrick, Gabe needs to talk to you," Pete told Patrick over the phone a few days later. "Can you come to my place?"

"Yeah give me ten minutes," Patrick replied.

"Why are you out of breath?"

"I went for a run," he admitted.

"Ooh so you're all sweaty?" Pete smirked.

"GUYS NO I'M HERE!" Gabe shouted. "NO SEX!"

"If you shouted that while Bronx was here I wouldn't killed you. You're lucky he's with Ashlee and at school," Pete told him.

Ashlee was Bronx's mother and one of Pete's closest friends. Long story short Pete was gay and she was a lesbian and they fucked at a party about four years ago, no condom, and chose joint custody over Bronx, and to stay single because if they married it would never work.

"I'm outside. Also I don't have my car so I may need a ride home," Patrick said before hanging up. Pete buzzed him up and was met with Patrick in black basketball shorts and a blue shirt. His bleached hair was all sweaty and it was extremely hot.

"Pete chill," Gabe teased.

"Sorry he's just too hot," Pete smirked, kissing the blushing Patrick gently.

"Anyway, Patrick you played soccer in high school right?" Gabe asked.

"Yeah for like a year maybe," Patrick told him.

"Okay, we need you to fill in on Saturday. Joe can't come and we don't have any extra players and otherwise we'd be a man down and possibly need to forfeit. But it's our rival team so we need to have a full team. Please play please," he begged.

"I'm not very good," Patrick insisted.

"Yeah but you run, and you've played and know the rules. Also you have a pulse which is all you need," Gabe pleaded.

Patrick sighed, "Yeah fine I'll do it."

"I LOVE YOU PATRICK STUMP!" Gabe shouted, smashing his lips to Patrick's.

"NO THANK YOU!" Patrick shouted, pushing the Hispanic man away.

"Mine," Pete growled.

"I have my own sexy singer. Later!" Gabe shouted before leaving the apartment.

"I'm gonna use your shower. Good thing I keep clothes here," Patrick smiled.

"Have fun!" Pete sassed before walking to make himself a sandwich. "I'm my own bitch!" He shouted when Patrick sent him a questioning look.

~~**~~

That Saturday was the day of the game. Pete met Patrick at the field that morning, Bronx with him. The child ran off to play with Bandit and Jackson again, as Pete handed Patrick a purple jersey. Patrick read it and sighed. "'Trickydoll', are you shitting me?" He asked.

"Nope!" Pete called, grabbing his hand and skipping over to the field.

"'Sup?" Quinn asked, fixing their aviator glasses, similar to the ones Milly was wearing.

"Nothing really," Patrick muttered.

"SAM BRO WHAT'S UP?" Milly shouted all of a sudden, running over to a girl in a red jersey.

"NOTHING BRO!" Sam shouted back.

"I thought they were your rivals?" Patrick asked.

"Only because we're the two most competitive teams. We all like each other and are friends basically. Well, except Ronnie Radke. We hate him," Pete told him. "He's number ten, watch out."

"Oh, uh, okay," Patrick muttered in agreement. "So anyone else to look out for?"

"Tyler, number 3," Milly said. "He's kinda clumsy, but he's super nice and wouldn't intentionally hurt you."

Patrick just nodded and sat next to Quinn and Brendon, who were seeing who could chug Gatorade he quickest. "I win!" Brendon cheered.

"Yeah cuz I got stuck with lemon-lime!" Quinn shouted. "It's the shittiest of them all!"

Lindsey and William ran over from where they had been talking to the other team. "Warm up time!" Gabe shouted. He was the captain, so he was in charge. "Stop fraternizing with the enemy!" He shouted at Milly.

"Dude she's my other roommate!" Milly called back. "You know that!"

"SHE IS THE ENEMY!" Gabe screamed, causing Sam to laugh and run back to her bench.

"Gabe takes this way too seriously," Hayley told him. Gabe was currently screaming at Frank and Gerard to stop making out like a couple of teenagers. ("YOU ARE NEARLY THIRTY FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" He screamed, causing them both to laugh.)

Pete told Patrick he would probably be playing left midfield, behind Milly who was left forward. Pete had the two of them pass the ball a few times, and then told Patrick to join Milly in taking shots on Quinn.

"You wanna use your laces and kick with your toes down -- NOT THAT FAR DOWN YOU'LL BREAK THEM!" Milly shouted causing Quinn to laugh. Patrick took a few shots and was surprisingly good at it. Pete then tried to show Patrick how to put in shin guards, to which the latter rolled his eyes.

"I've played before you know," Patrick told him.

"...Oh yeah," Pete muttered.

Gabe called them over an Gabe out positions. "Milly left forward, Pete right forward. I'm center forward midfield, Gerard center back midfield. Patrick left midfield, Lindsey right. Brendon right defense, Frank right center, Will left center, Hayley left. Quinn in goal, as usual." They took the field and the game began.

After ten minutes, something knocked into Patrick, causing him to fall flat on his face and the wind to be knocked out of him.

"RADKE!" Sam shouted. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" She screamed as she pushed him forcefully. Four hands grabbed Patrick and pulled him up; Milly and Hayley. He turned and saw Gabe and Brendon holding Pete by the biceps, the later looking murderous.

"I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch," Pete growled.

"I'LL DO IT!" Quinn screamed as they ran over to Ronnie Radke and punched him in the jaw. "SUCK MY DICK ASSHOLE!" They screamed. The referee gave them a yellow card for "foul play".

The half ended with their team winning 4-3. "Everyone the same positions," Gabe told them, "except I want Milly in goal and Quinn at left midfield. Patrick play left forward." Milly pulled on her black, long-sleeved goalie shirt and gloves, with her name and number on it, as Quinn pulled on their regular jersey.

With less than a minute left and a score of 5-5, some girl named Ally (who Milly hated, as she was a complete ass to everyone) shot (rather shittily too) the ball at Milly, who caught it easily and drop kicked it to the wide open Patrick. He turned and kicked it as hard as he could into the other team's net, scoring and winning the game.

"HELL YES!" Pete cheered, kissing Patrick. "We did it cuz of you!"

"Yeah I guess," Patrick giggled.

"So you wanna play with us some other time?"

"Absolutely not,” Patrick laughed.

Two women came over to them and one was holding Bronx. “Ash!  Meagan! What’s up? Oh! This is Patrick, my boyfriend. Trick this is Ashlee, Bronx's mom and Meagan, her girlfriend."

"Nice to meet you," Patrick grinned, shaking both ladies' hands.

"Wicky!" Bronx screamed, and Ashlee laughed before putting him down. The toddler ran over to Patrick, who picked him up and held him against his hip. Bronx just pouted and tried to climb onto Patrick's neck, so the man lagged and put the boy behind him, so Bronx was sitting on his shoulders with his legs around Patrick's neck and hands on the side of his head. Pete grinned at the two as Patrick's hands went up to clasp Bronx's ankles.

"Little guy loves him," Pete chuckled. "I love him too," he grinned before kissing Patrick's reddening cheek.

"Ew that's gross!" Bronx said, scrunching up his nose. "Kissing is gross."

The four adults laughed and talked for a few more minutes before Bronx was handed to Meagan, and Pete and Patrick walked over to their cars.

"Come over?" Pete asked, flashing his world famous puppy eyes.

"Yeah sure," Patrick chuckled, before kissing him and climbing into his own car. They drove the five minutes to Pete's apartment, before walking inside.

"I'm gonna shower," Pete told him. "Wanna conserve water?" He asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Patrick rolled his eyes but followed him into the bathroom anyway.

~~**~~

The two of them were cuddling in Pete's bed after they showered, Patrick's head on Pete's chest and Pete's arm around his back. The arm that wasn't around Patrick was playing with his damp, bleach blonde locks. “You should move in,” Pete whispered. “I mean, if you want to. Bronx loves having you around and so do I and it would be easier than you coming over all the time unless you think it’s too soon.”

**  
**“I’d love to,” Patrick grinned. “My lease is up next week anyway, so yeah, let’s do it.” Pete grinned, still unable to fathom that this was his life.


End file.
